Life

Good Enough

friends
Image by Alexis Brown via Unsplash

 

Do you ever have those moments you relive in your mind over and over? That witty comeback, that moment when you lost your cool on a customer, that tear that escaped when you were trying to look strong, that laugh that bubbled out at the most inopportune time? {These have all happened to me, truth} I do.
I have those moments a lot- where I relive the terrible arguement, hurtful words, the tears- and it takes me to a different place in myself- a place I don’t like. I don’t want to dwell on what’s past, I don’t want to live in the negativity of certain moments- I want to move on.
I’m writing this letter, to do just that.


Dear “ex”-friend-
I owe you a thank you. Those are kind words in the midst of heartache, but it’s true. I owe you a thank you for a few reasons-
you left before I could become more attached to you, to someone who didn’t deserve my friendship or love. You showed me what a true friend would never do, leave me at my worst, deserted and lonely. You were the perfect example of someone I don’t need in my life
you helped me to realize what I deserve, which if far better than you could offer. While your hurtful jabs at my self-worth hit deep- I was able to see the flaws in your words and the truth in who I am.
I wish I could take back the piece of my heart that you stole, the one that you took with you when you left. I gave it willingly, that’s because I believed in our friendship, I believed in you as a person. I’ll never get that piece of me back, keep it- I hope it’s a reminder of what you once had.
I want to tell others, to yell from the rooftops how you’re not who you pretend to be. It’s not my place, they can make those judgments for themselves, but I hope they’re stronger than you give them credit for- they will need it.

Your “ex” friend,
Samantha


I’ve asked myself a million different questions when I feel a friendship slipping or when it’s come and gone- am I unworthy of continued friendship?
Is there something wrong with who I am?
What happened?
Do I sabotage these relationships?
Did you not like the way I handled something, would you have done it differently?
Did the ugly get too ugly? Am I making this out to be worse than it is?
Why do some people stick around, while others simply leave?

Sometimes I think it’s hard to find friends, people who can handle your kind of “crazy” or love. That moment you realize you might have stepped over the edge into your crazy zone…Should you be worried that things will change between you and your friends?
What happened to being able to show our true colors and still be loved for them?

Over the past 15 years, I’ve promised to stay in touch, I’ve cried and stressed over moments when I’m sure it’s when the friendship “ended”, I’ve replayed conversations over and over in my head- thinking the outcome could have been different.

This poem popped up on my Pinterest feed one day, particularly when I needed it most, and I’ve shared it numerous times. I have to re-read it when times like the above make their way into my mind and I start to question my capabilities as a friend, woman, and spouse.

“It’s easy to feel uncared for when people aren’t able to
communicate and connect with you in the way you need. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t inherently bad or uncaring — they’re just busy and self-focused. And that’s okay. It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn’t make you unlovable or invisible. It just means that those people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are — that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others — is a strength. Your work isn’t to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need. Because despite what you feel, you are not too much. You are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind. And with or without anyone’s acknowledgment or affection, you are enough.”
Daniell Koepke

Sometimes it’s so easy to think that because we are being ignored or treated so poorly it’s because of “us”… but the real truth is it honestly has nothing to do with “us”. It does not. Say that again, it does not have anything to do with “us”.

You are worthy.
You deserve love.
You deserve true friendship.
You deserve wonderful things.

~SJW

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